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At least he isn't wearing a glove photo credit : sportspickle.com |
Josh Inglis
Wednesday May 29th, 2013
Here's the disclaimer
Baseball games are meant to be watched. You need to pay attention to every pitch because nobody deserves to be hurt while at a sporting event. However, by watching the game instead of checking twitter you can decrease your chances of sustaining an injury.
Here's the scenario;
You and your friends scored some tickets to the game this weekend
Sweet
Ok better make sure you have everything you need before you lock the front door.
Tickets.......check
ID..........check (don't want to be a 30 year old who can't get served alcohol)
Retro team jersey..................check
Ample money for over priced concessions........check
empty bladder.........check
That should be everything right?
Oh, what about that old glove of yours that hasn't seen any action since last summer when you had to play right field on your buddy's mixed slo-pitch team?
Having been replaced in a defensive substitution after you "lost the ball in the sun" during the 5th inning, by a girl nonetheless, was something you were still trying to come to terms with.
Yeah, you decide you will bring the glove just in case an opportunity presents itself and you can prove to your buddy that you should be on the roster instead of Janet.
Damn you Janet.
Things were going pretty good there until our subject decided to bring his glove to the ball game. Classic mistake and one that is all too common.
As a man there are a few unwritten rules that other men will judge you by. Here are some of the more important ones.
- Always pour everyone a glass from a fresh pitcher of beer before your own.
- Make sure you aren't the only guy that didn't buy a round.
- Make sure you have adequate propane for a barbecue and if not, go to any extent in order to get more.
- How you treat your dog.
- Whether or not you bring your baseball glove to a baseball game.
If your goal is to be THIS GUY then by all means bring your Rawlings to the ball park, but most of us aren't ever going to make it to BP let alone beg players to throw us a ball during warm ups.
If you have tickets in the first row and suffer from a lack of coordination or if you have short arms and wouldn't be able to reach a foul ground ball without the help of a glove then its probably a good idea.
If you are taking your young child to the diamond for his or her first game and think by bringing your glove you will be better prepared to save your child's life from a foul liner, maybe you should get higher seats or just not bring your kid.
If you are old enough to vote and do manage to grab a homerun ball you must and I stress must, do an extremely creative dance that makes you look like an adolescent
If you use your glove to save the life of a police officer
If you get your hands on Homerun Derby tickets during All Star weekend for seats in the outfield bleachers, a glove will not be frowned upon.
If you find yourself with outfield seats in the year 2024 and Miguel Cabrera is looking for homerun number 763 then it is also acceptable.
Now I know I just dumped a whole pile of steaming supercilious judgement onto your exciting trip to the stadium , and for that I am truly sorry. So here is my way of making it up to you.
Here is a list of other possible ways to impress your friends at the game and also justify the fact that you are DVR'ing the game even though you are watching it in person.
- Snatch the fly ball in the Popcorn bag
- The barehanded catch
- The barehanded catch while holding your baby
- The barehanded catch while holding someone else's baby
- The no look catch while talking on your cellphone
- NOT THIS (not bad parenting IMO just bad catching)
- Dans votre chapeau
- Lift your child to dangerous heights to cover more ground (child's glove is mandatory)
- Attempt to grab the ball with your eggs
- Attempt to catch the ball in your $15 beer
Here are the best of the best. Consider these and adjust your rankings accordingly. There are some sweet gloved grabs in this video just to prove I don't discriminate. However you have to admit that the gloveless grabs are a step above the rest.
Josh Inglis is an asthmatic adult who still giggles when someone says the word bird. He currently lives in Taiwan with his fiance and his dog Tupac.
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